Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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