I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
