his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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