does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
