Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
