theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got inside last night via doggy door
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
