So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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