i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
