Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Panties = found
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