i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
