I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
