i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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