Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
