hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
