I hate your face
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
