You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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