My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
