I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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