dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
