New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
