Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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