i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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