i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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