Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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