but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
