how can u be prego again
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
