Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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