I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how drunk are you?
Several
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
