New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
