just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize