what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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