I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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