I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
