You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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