If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
