Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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