nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
