smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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