a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
