Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're a waste of cheezeits
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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