your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
