I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
