Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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