***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
