If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
