I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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