My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
