I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
