he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
