I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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