Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Text me some of your sweat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
