How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
