I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize