I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
