Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
