Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My hand turned me down
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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