dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
