I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We are all done wearing pants today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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