I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
