U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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