So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
