Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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