Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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