remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
