Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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