I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize