i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
