I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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