Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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